#Nats Christmas Stockings


Photo by Joe Marks

Here is a list of what the Nationals should find in their Christmas stockings:

Max Scherzer: a set of those baby noise-cancelling earmuffs. Not to protect Brooklyn’s ears in the stadiums—they’re to keep her from picking up daddy’s pitching vocabulary.

Gio Gonzalez: case of Reset water from Vitamin Water. With a label on it saying “Do not open until September.”

Bryce Harper: Clarity about his future in DC. Because the alternative can be ugly (ask Ian Desmond about that).

Stephen Strasburg: A silver spike to kill off that “Stras is a delicate flower” meme every time it tries to come back to life.

Matt Wieters: a plan for the 2018 Comeback Player of the Year award (since they seem to come to Nationals players).

Adam Eaton: Common sense. No, not for Mr. “Spark Plug 110% all the time,” it’s for the MLB folks who are re-designing first base.

Erick Fedde: an excellent spring training, showing that with regular work and regular workload, he’s the player we used to think he was.

Aaron Barrett: a miracle.

Anthony Rendon: Voters who finally realize that MVP doesn’t stand for “Most Visible Player.”

Dave Martinez: That season he’s been dreaming of since he first interviewed with the Nationals.

Jayson Werth: his happy place—on a baseball field, or out standing in his own fields.

Daniel Murphy: Healthy “hamstrings” all year. (Because the “we pray for Murphy’s ‘hamstrings’” meme made him really embarrassed.)

Victor Robles: trophy shelf. Because that MVP of the Fall Stars Game trophy won’t be lonely.

Trea Turner: Wrist guards made of that stuff they use for airplane black boxes. Because that speed belongs on the field, not the DL.

Michael Taylor: another bottle of that confidence that turned “Playoff 2016: deer in the headlights” into “Playoff 2017: grand slam.”

Koda Glover: A double dose of trust: trust your stuff, trust your trainers.

Shawn Kelley: A 2018 ERA that will make that contract seem worthwhile in the end.

Ryan Madson, Brandon Kintzler, & Sean Doolittle: Law Firm business cards with their phone number 202-789-SAVE.

Tanner Roark: 2018 post-season vindication.

Pedro Severino: A year that lives up to Mike Rizzo’s stated expectations.

Wilmer Difo: Opportunity. Location TBD.

Andrew Stevenson: A do-over.

Sean Doolittle: 3 chances to pitch in the post-season. With a three-run lead.

A.J. Cole: an opportunity. And the skill and stamina to seize it.

Bob Henley: 3 large bottles of Kiehl’s Super Fluid UV Defense SPF 50 sunscreen (protects, goes on dry and clear) so he doesn’t look like a zombie at 3rd base for day games. (No point in giving him a stop sign. He certainly didn’t wear out the one he got last year.)

Tommy Milone: A “Hi, my name is Tommy” nametag sticker, since there’s been about 98% turnover in the clubhouse since he was here the first time.

Matt Adams: Enough at-bats to keep fresh (but not because Ryan’s injured).

Mike Rizzo: A contract extension.

You can check prior year’s Xmas stockings and see how some of those gifts were received.

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